I distract myself in order not to feel…
…but then all those repressed emotions came rushing out.
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I’d give anything
Its been over 2 months… I cried my heart out tonight, I cant help it, I miss him.
My arthritis has been increasingly terrible since April… maybe its Karma…
Apr 26th, 2011
Today was the start of some serious warm weather… it reached 80 degrees I believe. About time! I would typically be at the gym on a fresh night like this but the past 2 weeks have been physically bad for me :( I’ve been having a pretty bad arthritis flare up so I cannot exercise too hard. On the plus side, my appetite is not as high as before so I lost about 2lbs. The negative side is all this achy joint pain, its taking too long to go away so its started to affect my mind. I’m trying really hard not to let it get to me mentally and just stay positive but sometimes the pain is overwhelming and I can’t help but let out a few tears or a quick cry.
I am not going to let arthritis take over my body!!!!! Tomorrow I go back to training despite the pain, idc… I have to fight it!
When did I become so pretty?
Apr 13th, 2011
Just one of those questions I had to ask myself tonight… and lately with the attention I’ve gotten about my looks over the past year. I mean, I think I’m okay but for someone to think I’m beautiful, gorgeous, and admit that they stare at me when I’m not looking… thats just wow.
I’m gonna say its my haircut just to keep myself sane lol.
Seriously, what do people see in me? I’m not sure if I would call this humbling but rather insecurity. I’m just your average girl put in a world with what society atm deems aesthetically pleasing (little waist, big boobs, latin flavor, petite, ok face). I guess the mix adds up to a nice score ::shrug::
I’ll just tell ya: I am grateful for all that I have even with my flaws (yes I do have them aplenty), because they taught me to appreciate and turned me into the well rounded person I am today. I’m not perfect, never will be.
Whats interesting is… I’m most proud and confident of my personality, which…might actually be the ugliest part about me. Go figure.
5.2 mile run but it was so chilly my hands got very cold and the feeling worried me. Aside from that I feel good.
Marquis de Sade
I seriously think, he might be my favorite writer… and only because he was so risque. I can’t wait to read all his books.
Fitness update: I was SOOO bad last week, I only went to the gym once and I think I missed out on exercise for 3 days. Thats what happens when I party too hard with alcohol on weekends -_-.
Burned waay too many calories…
Mar 17th, 2011 8:49pm
4mile run completed, 2mile skate to school…omw soon, no gym today hehe
I skated ANOTHER 2miles back home after school since I was let out early. I calculated my calories and I have a lot of room for food even though I just finished eating dinner. Interesting how 4 days ago I almost weighed 116lbs because of bloating and constipation. Yeah I said it! And today I’m practically 111 because it went away (plus I’ve been doing a bit more cardio lately). I definitely need to eat more protein. ATM I’m just stuffing my face with grapes, I sure do love them! My metabolism is on over drive =-O I’m happy but… wow… I need to eat more!
Just made a kick ass cranberry, blackberry, strawberry, grape, & carrot with cinnamon & honey smoothie!
This is me now 3/14
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company…
Woke up remembering lots of dreams last night, been very sleepy the past 2 days, just want to stay in bed and keep dreaming lately.
So I have been eating really bad the past 3 days, quesadilla friday, quesadilla saturday, and yesterday a steak with crab cakes at outback… I will get right back on focus though. This week I will make use of the gym at least 3x, but I hope MOAR!!! (P.)
I reached my ultimate body
On Friday 3/4 I realized I reached ultimate beach body status. Since being more mindful of what I eat 2 weeks ago I’ve lost 2 lbs. Those 2 lbs make a big difference. I am able to see more muscle definition and I’m loving it. I still have MONTHS to go until summer, but this is GREAT progress if I just keep it going. By June I should have an INSANE body. I’ve also gotten stronger, and I havent completely plateaued yet. I am starting to sense it coming though.
Yesterday I worked out the hardest I ever have in my gym and I was definitely feeling the muscle exhaustion all day after that. Today so far I have only woken up to some joint pains.
When one door closes, another one opens
Story of my life, searching for the right, but it keeps avoiding me…
And people complain that there are too many uncontrollable factors in life but I don’t see that. You too can get what you want in some way, shape, form, or other, just believe in the power u have to make a difference.
On a side note: I need to learn how to dive in hb, I think that’ll be important since I’m a girl and they don’t really ever dive.